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  • 2008
    • August
      • WE HAVE MOVED
        08/09/08
        Gone Word Press. Let the world know. Please link to the new site.

        New TSM Site
        New TSM Site
        New TSM Site
        New TSM Site
        New TSM Site
        New TSM Site
        New TSM Site
        New TSM Site
        New TSM Site

        We be mo-vi-did <--- TO a N ew Lo-a-cation

      • The Painful Truth of Tree Hugging
        08/09/08
        Sitting outside under the overcast Oregon sky, I scanned our backyard.

        It was once a desolate, white-trash inspired landscape of junk hidden amongst tall grass. Now, it is a yard. It has potential, with the lawn stretching across the entire yard painfully planted last year. Summer water c

      • In the Name of All Things Holy...WHAT IS THAT???
        08/07/08
        That thing...right there...look closer...that thing-

        ON! MY! FACE!



        It's bad enough that I'm on the Hormone Express to Crazytown. It's bad enough that I have TWO teenagers in the house, with the baby in the family just inches away from teenager-doom

      • The Good...the Bad...the Resigned.
        08/05/08
        I didn't want to have yet another title for my blog include the word "Random", so I had to come up with something. Don't judge me.

        First of all, the thing that's totally making me lose my ever lovin' mind right now. Me and the Mr. are at odds. Apparently I ca

    • July
      • Miss-Conceptions
        07/30/08
        There are so many ideas floating around out there about me.

        Who IS this TSM? What does TSM mean, anyway? Why isn't this broad on some serious medications?

        I thought I should put a few of them to rest right here, right now.


        1. I do not think as much as y

      • Taking a Hunk Out of Mormonism
        07/28/08
        It's in small print under the bigger news stories on my home page. Hardly noticable, and even when you see it, you might not click it. But I did, because I was really just curious...



        Blink. Blink.

        Let me see if I understand this.

        A guy from the M

      • Something I NEVER Do...well, hardly ever.
        07/26/08
        I stole this little game from Snackiepoo

        1. Put your mp3 player or music player on your computer on random.
        2. Post the first four lines from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song (Skip repeat artists).
        3. Post and let everyone you know guess what s

      • I Am She
        07/24/08


        Look at her expression. She is thoughtful. She seems happy. The smile, however, is only a half-smile. Underneath I can tell she is wondering if this will be the last time her daughter embraces her out of love. She wonders if this child is going to break her heart again. She holds her c

      • You Are Cordially Invited to a Pity Party
        07/20/08
        It's nearly 4 p.m. on a Sunday and I am still in bed. Small beams of sunlight peek through the edges of the dark blue blanket that should be sealing the window. I am toying with the idea of spending twenty minutes to rearrange its placement so that I can properly seclude myself in my darkened b

      • Night of the Sleepwalking Dead...or...Just Really Tired.
        07/16/08
        The Mr. has a creepy family secret. And I am going to reveal it here on my blog. To you. I trust you. You won't tell anyone, right? Right!

        When he was young, and asleep, he didn't stay in bed. Not only did he not stay in bed, but he wandered around and did things as if on Lyrica

      • For the Love of Fish and Consumerism
        07/15/08
        This morning, I visited a new fishing spot. A local river with a steep downgrade of large boulders followed by a steep path where I continually hit my shin on the same sharp piece of a log, resulting in a 5 inch diameter bruise. Lovely.

        However, well worth it:



        My

      • Choices and Blessings
        07/14/08
        I made a choice not long ago. To follow my faith and leave behind some people and places that contradict what I believe and want to stand for. It's been painful, to say the least.

        Today, I received what I believe is a blessing for my efforts.

        A stimulus check in the mail t

      • TSM on the JESTER show tonight!
        07/02/08


        Tonight at 7:00 p.m. Pacific time, I will be on the Jester Show on Talk Shoe!

        Subjects will range from Vicodin to Religion to (as usual) sex! So please click over there and join in the fun!

    • June
      • The Only Thing We Have To Fear...
        06/26/08
        Yesterday I wanted to blog. I had a great post all laid out in my head about the new fishing lures I bought. Yes, it would have been incredibly entertaining, and I promise I will get back to that story. Later.

        Right now I don't know what to say.

        I'm full of such conf

      • It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Caught Having Sex in the Bathroom
        06/22/08


        I was having a great time. It was 10 a.m. and I had consumed two drop-shots of Blue Cuaco and grape Vodka dropped in Guava Rockstar. Followed by one more. I had only had four hours of sleep the night before and our first match in the APA Pool tournament? Let's just say I bombed it

      • Random Appreciation
        06/20/08
        First of all, I wouldn't be a Follower if I didn't...well...follow somebody!



        I do appreciate my readers! I know sometimes it doesn't feel like it, mainly because I blog sporadically and don't really follow any kind of pattern regarding subject matter. Bu

      • Happy-Ness
        06/17/08
        I've come to realize, and please don't laugh, but I believe that true happiness is a fleeting emotion. And also? That there's nothing inherently wrong with that.

        Like when you're driving to the lake at sunrise and you sit quietly, alone, on the bank watching the first

      • Pain....is relative.
        06/11/08
        So I should totally be working. And I will. I promise. In a minute. I have things to say. And...well, I have a BLOG, so why not USE it! Novel idea, I know!

        First, I must introduce you to the newest addition to my collection of permanent ink. Here is what it looked like freshly done (yes,

    • May
      • Redneck Heaven, It Was
        05/27/08
        Otherwise entitled, "In Which I Become A Momentary Daredevil".

        Oh, Internets. I have neglected you. And for that I am truly sorry. But here! I have something to make up for it! A fun-filled post about completely inappropriate happenings and a disgusting picture for your viewing

      • And Nothing Else Matters
        05/01/08
        Anyone who knew me 'back in the day' (you know, before, I grew a personality) thinks that the Metallica reference is entirely appropriate. Interestingly enough, that song came out long after my Metallica (and free!) days were over. By then I had two screaming children and a rotten divorce.

    • April
      • The Goddess Speaks...(as long as it isn't midnight yet)
        04/24/08
        It hasn't hit 12 yet, so I can post this blog. It was supposed to be today's blog but I took too long. If you want to know why I'm staying quiet on Friday, ask Jester.

        My post for today was short:

        Watching aforementioned (yesterday's post) reality televisio

      • Be Impressed. Be Very Impressed.
        04/23/08
        This very blog you have most likely stumbled upon on your way to someone decidely wittier and more interesting belongs to a celebrity! At least, someone who is about to be a celebrity. Yes, friends, today I received notification that, indeed, I am in the top running for the coveted title of "

      • Great Expectations
        04/22/08
        This started as another post for the Grassroots Blogger Book Marketing Campaign 2008 (a benefit for RAINN ), and turned into something completely different. Please visit their website and see how you can help raise awareness and support the cause.

        The ocean.

        To my 35 year

      • Caught Red Handed
        04/20/08
        Actually, I am caught GREEN handed.

        Let me explain.

        My hands are covered in a sparkly green substance. It smells like old shrimp and is a horrid color of green. I believe it's called "Chartreuse". Not only are my hands covered in this gawd-awful substance, but a

      • Popularity is Overrated. Right?
        04/17/08
        So I’m a webmistress of sorts.

        He he he, I said mistress. Brings to mind all sorts of naughty things! Moving on…

        Knowing just enough to get myself into trouble with a website has been useful, especially when I found myself in a position to barter goods and services. Electrical

      • I'm a REBEL, yo!
        04/16/08
        Seems like everyone and their sister's brother's cousin are doing a "Things About Me" meme. Because I am nothing if not a total follower, I thought I should join in. I mean, if they're doing it...yeah, you get the point.

        I have been thinking about this f

      • Oh dear GOD...not THAT!!! (Kind of adult-ish post)
        04/14/08
        Please excuse the abuse of exclamation points in this post. They are, as you will see, WARRANTED!!!!!!



        Why is this woman crying into her Northern bathroom tissue? Not because she's too cheap to buy Kleenex, though that would also be accurate. No, she just received some

      • Moments of Clarity Part 1-Sake
        04/11/08
        As I prepare to draw a hot bath and drink Sake, let me start by saying how heartbroken I am for Lisa . Let me also state how determined I am to make sure that more people know about her fight, that cancer is a total bitch and that life is incredibly precious. So precious , friends.

        Toda

      • To Whom It May Concern:
        04/11/08

        I do not write this specifically to any one of you, because you are all equally responsible for the fury which I am about to unleash. Please grab whatever protective gear you deem necessary and take cover. You have been warned.

        Let’s start with this morning.

        After walki

      • Please don't read this, Mom.
        04/08/08
        This is a post meant for the Grassroots Blogger Book Marketing Campaign 2008, and is meant to generate donations for RAINN -The Rape Abuse and Incest National Network . You can visit the page for all the information you need about RAINN and the campaign.

        Happy HUMP Day! Pun completely i

      • Codependency SUCKS. Right? I mean...you think so too, don't you?
        04/07/08
        Codependency-"A set of *maladaptive, *compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing *great emotional pain and stress. Codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotio

      • The Male System
        04/03/08
        Me: These damned newsletters keep comin back with pages ripped off. They aren't secure enough to go through the mail machines.

        Him: So find another way to mail them.

        Me: What about these baggies? Someone told me they use 6x11 baggies with pretty imprints to mail their news

      • Am I the Only One?
        04/01/08
        Sometimes, it's difficult to say what I really think or feel on this blog. Mainly because my husband and some family members occasionally stop by, and I can't have the folks who know me best being all offended and such. So then, when my thoughts and feelings are directly related to them, I

    • March
      • In Which I Dance On the Bar at Coyote Ugly
        03/28/08
        Our trip to Nashville-A Pictorial Essay Or Something Like That.

        Somewhere at the bottom of this post, I will give you a link to all the pictures. But first, friends, you must tolerate my presentation of the highlights.

        As usual, it begins with a meal:



        I

      • I'm Nashville Bound!
        03/04/08
        The following arrived in my email this morning:

        Congratulations! You are one step closer on the road to Nashville. Please read the attached letter IN ITS ENTIRITY.

        After 8 regional open calls, 20,000 applications and 2,000 home videos, you are part of the prestigious list of RE

    • February
      • Waiting for a star to fall
        02/21/08
        Today was the day. In Portland, an open casting call for NBC's Nashville Star. It's country music (and NBC's) answer to American Idol, and yours truly auditioned today along with about 600 other hopefuls.

        It was really an experience, though I know everyone says that.
      • The Courageous TSM
        02/08/08
        I feel, for the most part, that my weenie factor is relatively low. I am not afraid of needles, I love spiders and snakes and have a pretty high pain tolerance. I mean, sure, I couldn't win an Iron Man competition, but I have a bit of a reputation of being a go, go go until you drop kinda gal.

    • January
      • In Which I Make My Husband Naked
        01/25/08
        In our efforts to improve our marriage and family, apparently I need to stay home more. That would be a heck of a lot easier if home didn't feel so much like Folsom Prison. Without guards. The first step to making home feel like a sanctuary is to make some asthetic improvements. Not wanting eve

      • Oh baby...DON'T stop! I am SO close!!!
        01/24/08
        I need some of the white stuff. I've been on the edge for the past week being tortured by this desire to have it, and having it dangled in front of me, never quite able to get any. I can smell it. I can almost taste it. I. am. so. CLOSE!

        It seems I would have to live in Alaska to rea

      • Statistically speaking...
        01/16/08
        Ok so I'm not very original. Interesting, stunningly beautiful and incredibly witty, yes, but original...notsomuch.

        My own version of Lara's Googlage is simply a must after visiting my statistic page today.

        Here are some...brow raising...ways people have stumbled acr

      • Finally, some GOOD news!
        01/15/08
        A handly little fact I've discovered:

        Emotional pain is connected to escape.

        Escape is connected to drinking and smoking too much.

        Drinking and smoking too much is connected to ulcers.

        Ulcers make your stomach feel like a punching bag. You also lose

      • Wow! Just....wow!
        01/14/08
        Oh internets. You haven't abandoned me! My cup overfloweth! Thank you for your warm wishes and encouragement. Though it indeed sucketh to be in the Pit of Despair (note the Princess Bride reference), it is somewhat good to know that I do not suffer alone.

        The following dialogue is a

      • Where Am I?
        01/07/08
        The easy answer to that question is lost. Very lost.

        There are so many things I simply cannot discuss on this blog, and it's frustrating. Why did I start blogging if I can't spew my verbal vomit all over the internet? Sadly, anonymity isn't as anonymous as it used to be. T

  • 2007
    • November
      • Leavin' on a jet plane
        11/20/07
        They're 30,000 feet above me right now. More specifically, above Texas. At least, that's what the airline tracking system says. They will be landing in about 30 minutes or so.

        Every year I ship them off to enter a world of Nascar and mullets, Busch beer and go carts, to spend t

      • Somethin's Gotta Give
        11/20/07
        I'm tired. Not in the sleep-deprived need-a-valium kind of way, but in the straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back manner. I've had it. Stick a fork in me...you get the idea.

        I realize I'm not alone in this, and that this is how everyone probably feels. I'm even less sp

      • Gimme stuff with my name on it...and THEN some!
        11/15/07
        I feel a need...a need for handly novelties that sport my company logo in stylish yet sophisticated manner. Promotional items to throw at my lipstick-waving inspiration-raving Independent Sales Directors to make them feel special. Because they are , darnit!

        In my vast research, I have fo

    • October
      • Another Mike-ism
        10/19/07
        I swear, this boy of mine provides me with more resources for this blog than any other aspect of my life. Someday he'll read them all and promptly disown me.

        Picture our dinner table. Not the table itself, because it's crappy and needs refinished. Rather, picture the scene at o

      • Change...
        10/07/07
        ...it's like a fart in church. It happens, we know it happens, we can smell it coming, but we're really helpless to do anything about it. Besides, sometimes, it brings relief.

        This is precisely one of the several changes we are in the midst of right now. Nothing as chaotic as b

    • September
      • Death Resides Here
        09/20/07
        As night falls, the sky turns a brilliant mixture of purples and blues. The birdsong is replaced by the sound of crickets chirping, and the nocturnal wildlife begins to stir. The light fades away, replaced by a warm glowing from the windows of our home, evidence of the lives inside continuing, despi

    • August
      • Best Sex Blogs
        08/17/07
        We're turnin up the heat for this one, folks!

        I wanna know who makes you " hot and bothered"!

        Where are the best blogs about sex? Preferably the married kind, of course. Who makes you laugh about your positioning? Nod your head about embarassing topics and go a

      • A Dining Experience
        08/12/07
        Here's something you don't want to overhear from the kitchen when you are eating at a restaurant:


        .

        .

        .

        .

        .

        .

        .

        .
        ........."Five second rule!"

      • All For Naught...
        08/01/07
        The call came in, and I have a clean bill of health! As ecstatic as I was to hear it, I probably sobbed for a half hour releasing all the stress that had built up while I waited.

        Why do we do this to ourselves? Worry for nothing? Even if it had been the worst case scenario, would worry

    • July
      • The "C" Word
        07/30/07
        "This might be a little uncomfortable..." she said.
        Uncomfortable was an understatement. Uncomfortable is when you have to curl your toes for a minute while they finish the swab. This was painful.

        When she suggested this procedure, I resisted. I asked if I really needed t

      • She swallowed it whole!
        07/19/07
        Last night, the darling Mr. grilled up some dee-diddly-icious steaks (courtesy my good friends Lew & Cindy) and we enjoyed them thoroughly. Once we were stuffed and immobile, the Mr. thought it was time to give our puppy, Sasha, a bone. OH boy, time for a bone!




        He

      • Overdue: Faces from a Yard Sale
        07/07/07
        I take great pride in offering you my interpretation of the faces I saw sticking out of car windows for three straight weekends whilst they drove by my yard sale, deciding whether or not to stop.

        Enjoy!







        And my absolute favorite....<

      • Good news, bad news, good news...etc.
        07/03/07
        Good news: Mike does not have mono. Apparently it was just a virus. He is feeling better and back to his usual self.

        Bad news: Mike is back to his usual self.

        Good news: We decided to buy the web design business I have been working for in the last year, and are now, like, BUSI

    • June
      • In which my son grows a second head
        06/27/07
        Or, at least has something like a second head sticking out the side of his neck.

        Turns out it's a lymph node. Swollen like, HUGE. And now he's really sick. REALLY sick. He couldn't walk to his bedroom. His throat hurts, he has as high fever and is sick, sick, SICK! So off t

      • I am a Master Baiter
        06/22/07
        Yes...I am particularly gifted at this little solo-act. I can bait a hook and cast it out in 5 seconds flat, leaving all on the banks of the lake in awe and wonder, wanting desperately to see more.

        Sadly, this doesn't help me catch many fish.

        Summer is here, and I'm

      • This is the thread that never eeeends.....
        06/15/07
        ...Yes it goes on and on my friends...

        So here's the deal. I want my peeps (that would be you) to leave me a ONE WORD comment. Each person playing off the last comment. Feel free to KEEP commenting if you have more ONE WORD(s) to add!

        I'll get things started (and my

      • Regrets...
        06/12/07
        I learned I was carrying a child. I was frightened and ecstatic and nauseous, all at the same time.

        With each week, I studied the charts and books and spoke lovingly to my ever-growing belly in an attempt to introduce myself to my unborn baby. I am certain I made mistakes during my prega

      • TSM as the Boogeyman
        06/06/07
        So apparently I frighten people. Specifically, children. Sadly, my own children . And they're pissed.

        In my defense, I didn't intend to frighten them. I was just trying to be silly. Funny. Ha ha. You know? I had forgotten that my woman-child has lost her sense of humor. And I d

      • Well Knock Me Over with a Garden Rake
        06/04/07
        There are moments in life when I look at my fellow man's deeds and think there is no hope for humanity. The violence, the hatred, the destruction are all so overwhelming, and personally, I often have a difficult time coming up with some positive to outweigh the negative. My only hope truly lies

    • May
      • In Which I Beg for Death to Take Me
        05/31/07
        Happy entry title, no?

        I originally wanted to entitle it, "Just shoot me...no wait..don't...it might add to your rap sheet"

        This after an afternoon of refereeing via cellphone my two teens having a knock-down-drag-out while I went to the store. For an hour .
      • Puppy Love and Gardening Gloves
        05/29/07
        Damn Fibromyalgia.

        Have I mentioned how much I despise this nemesis of mine?

        Oh, YES internets, it IS a nemesis of gargantuan proportion. I am the super hero, it is my kryptonite. I am the flame, it is the water that douses my fire. I am the ant, it is the jumper cable attac

      • In Which My Son Reveals The Sociopath Within
        05/28/07
        A little tidbit for your holiday:

        Ways in which my son felt effective in dealing with the ants on our driveway:

        1. Douse them with gasoline and light them on fire
        2. Squash their heads off and watch them run around until they die
        3. Take my lighter and burn them one a

      • I'm Seeing Stars
        05/23/07
        Anyone who reads blogs knows how it goes. We start with one blog. They link to twelve more jeweled bits of journaling. We add them to our blogroll, and each blog we add has links to at least fifty wonderfully entertaining entries. We start sending links to our friends about granola , lube , Mormo

      • Trabajo de mi esposo
        05/22/07
        A man's role in life (at least, historically speaking) is to provide for his family. He trots off to work, deals with all the stresses and demands, then returns home with money in hand to purchase life's necessities.

        Simplistic. Idealistic.

        Sadly, our society's

      • Open Letters-Random Edition
        05/21/07
        Dear KFC-I'm confused.
        For as long as I can remember, KFC stood for KENTUCKY fried chicken. So what brilliant ad-person came up with "Sweet Home ALABAMA" as your signature song? Whoever they are, give them a raise. And a map of the US.

        Dear Chearleading mom:
        Plea

      • Time is Short and So Am I
        05/18/07
        I don't know what to say. Which is rare for me.

        I've been spending all my time split between trying to recover from the infamous yard sale and my work-from-home endeavor, leaving little time for anything, including housework or my own mental health. Which are unrelated, as far

      • Contest time!
        05/10/07
        I'll give you a moment to get over being upset with me for disappearing for a few days. Yeah, it wasn't very nice. Yes, I'm fine. I can sum it up in two words: YARD SALE. Yes, I'm still up to my eyeballs in other people's cast-offs, trying to squeeze pennies out of unsuspect

      • Somebody Needs a SPANKING!
        05/06/07
        The Mr. has been sporting the same sad rags passing for work clothes for far too long. The combination of his inability to avoid hard labor whilst wearing them and my poor laundering skills has left his wardrobe a bit lacking of the classy outfits his position requires. So off to the store I went!
      • A Very Green Day at the House of TSM.
        05/05/07
        Envy. It's an ugly, UGLY emotion.

        Aside from watching Victoria's Secret commercials (and trying to avert my eyes, but but being helpless to do so), nothing can make me feel more inadequate than walking into the home of one of my children's friends.

        One might sur

      • Brutal (and I do mean BRUTAL) Honesty
        05/02/07

        Can you guess which one is me NOW?



        Yeah...I'm pretty disgusted too.

        I had fully intended this post to be another "honest" post of what I really look like and how completely unashamed I am. Surprisingly, I looked at a comparison of these t

      • Dear John...and Susie...and Larry...and Barney...and...
        05/01/07
        OPEN LETTERS- BUTT EDITION (thanks again to Lara for the idea and permission to use it at my whim!)

        To the butt-head behind the counter at the lawnmower repair shop : I realize that I was dressed in my pajamas, holding a carbeurator bowl and covered in gas, but you SO did not have to

    • April
      • What IS that SMELL?
        04/30/07
        A Scent-uous Poem

        “Hast thou been rolling in elephant feces?
        Or maybe the droppings of some other species?
        Surely you can’t think the lotions and sprays
        Can make that foul stench you sport just go away!
        I cannot endure the sour taste of your kiss
        So until you quit

      • She looks for four leafed clovers
        04/28/07
        She loves each and every one as if it were her only one. She is patient with them, loving them for their unique personalities and for the blessings she considers each of them to be. Often, when you enter her home, there is chaos. Children running up and down the stairs, playing outside with the anim

      • The Great Take-Over
        04/23/07
        Someone please initiate a search party. I am officially lost.

        Lost in a pile of antique glass bottles, old men's clothing and piggie banks from 1972 (coincidentally, the year I was born!). I have a box full of at least one hundred pair of earrings (from the 80s and made in Taiwan) an

      • The Brutality of Reality
        04/22/07
        That whole "Rise and Shine" thing was brutal. Vicious, and brutal. Beautiful Jessica has not yet faced the day when she woke up and thought "Ooo...I look like ASS this morning". So of course, it stands to reason that she would be the catalyst of a great MEME for all of us to p

      • RAH RAH REE, Kickem in the KNEE! RAH RAH RASS...
        04/21/07
        ...Kick em in the CHECKBOOK !!

        After weeks of work, many tears, much hand-wringing and a whole lotta hope, I can proudly say that my 13 year old daughter (bound for high school next year), has made the Varsity Cheer Squad at McMinnville High School! That's right! A FRESHMAN on Var

      • Bare Essentials
        04/20/07
        Following in the lovely footsteps of Jessica , the distinguished footsteps of Karl and the sultry footsteps of Hilly (and if you posted this too and I have somehow missed you, please leave a comment and I shall do so! Post haste!), I have decided to show you my naked self. Not that kind of na

      • Bits & Pieces
        04/19/07
        I'm wiped. And not in a good way.

        Two straight weeks of staring at this computer screen making boxes line up and the colors 'just right' is enough to make me want a vacation, yet oddly NOT enough to actually pay for one.

        As I flopped into bed (wishing the Mr.

      • That's MISSUS Deadbeat to you!!
        04/18/07
        In the wee hours of the morning (actually closer to 10 a.m.) I stumbled out of bed to find everyone had left for the day, and I was alone. Utterly alone. Except, of course, for the four cats, two dogs and various insects roaming around.

        And Miss James.

        She was waiting for me

      • I totally...like...LIKE you....like...it's like....cool!
        04/16/07
        The other evening, as we gathered at a friend's house for game night, she issued a challenge to the 13 yr old: Do not say LIKE for the rest of the evening.

        Meanwhile, the two adult women were re-enacting our Valley Girl days, spouting "Oh m'GAWD" and "Gag me with

      • A Very Tryptophan Meme
        04/15/07
        Sorry for the absence, but I have been up to my eyeballs in the pink, frilly world of Mary Kay. You see, the first two weeks of every month, I spend every waking moment gathering sales information, searching for appropriate graphics and content, and putting together newsletters for successful direct

      • Search me!
        04/11/07
        You opened your browser. You were searching for something. Something different. Something specific.

        Leaving MSN in a blue-green fit of jealousy, you typed into that multi-colored search screen, sending into cyberspace your deepest, burning questions.

        And now they're co

      • I'm so...ASHAMED!
        04/09/07
        I know you expected more from me.

        I realize I have completely let you down. I've let myself down too. But much like the lime strips in the Fiesta Taco salad, I am an addict. I promise myself I will abstain, only to find my butt parked in front of that television every Monday night.

      • What It Is
        04/08/07
        Today is Easter Sunday.

        Easter has become such a loaded holiday. Controversial for many, sacred to others and a spring ritual for many. In a cock-eyed attempt to add to the "I Believe" posts floating around, I want to share with you a little about Easter and its meaning in m

      • Checking My List...Twice!
        04/07/07
        After a whirlwind tour of four different stores in our town for holiday goodies and cheerleading shoes (please, God, make it STOP!), we finally arrived home. After downing pain medication (because DAMMIT I hurt!) and a glass of wine or three, I am sitting here reading this HILARIOUS post, and my da

      • An ORIGINAL meme!
        04/06/07
        As I was driving around town running errands today, I was confronted with yet another stupid Oregon driver. We're in a school zone, I'm behind a car who is doing the speed limit, and I am keeping a safe distance whilst also doing the speed limit. Driver behind me? Riding my butt like I wer

      • Mike-isms
        04/05/07
        When told to ask an ex girlfriend why she is ignoring him (on MSN):

        "The problem with that is, when someone is ignoring you, you can't ASK them why they're ignoring you, because, well, they're IGNORING you!"

        When asked why he doesn't wear one of my

      • Please Release Me, Let Me Gooooo
        04/04/07
        I avoided you for months. You were always there, waiting for me to notice. Every now and then, I caught myself looking at you, wondering what it would be like. Would it be different? New? Exciting? I tried not to spend too much time thinking about it, because, well, I'm already too obsessive as

      • The Laundry Quandry Continues
        04/03/07
        "MOM!" My 15 year old yells, heading for my doorway,"I don't know how, but something about hanging my clothes up to dry made them...BIGGER!"

        "Yes, I suppose that could happen." I reply.

        "This isn't going to work for me. I don't

      • I am a MODERN woman, dagnabbit!
        04/02/07
        Oh, how we come to depend on our modern conveniences. Yes, like that trusty stick of deodorant or an electric can opener, we become dependent on this technology for our everyday happenings. Only when one of these devices meets its demise do we truly stop and realize just how it impacted our lives.
      • Song of my Son
        04/01/07
        Oh, man-child born from my own womb
        What IS that odor in your room?

        To strong for plug-ins to combat
        To strong for even our stinky cat!

        And why (so sudden!) your attitude
        Has changed from sweet to angry and rude?

        If your stinky room was cleaner,

    • March
      • I Never Thought I Would
        03/31/07
        Here are some things I never thought I would do, but did.

        -Go a day without writing a blog entry
        -Weigh over 200 lb.
        -Steal a gallon of milk
        -Have a disability
        -Own a St. Bernard
        -Wear Granny Undies
        -Have a moustache
        -Drink too much
        -Install a chai

      • Dollahs and Sense
        03/28/07
        What do they have in common? Neither wants anything to do with me .

        This entry is going to be a bit of a downer, because well, I'm a loser. I can't deal with money if my life depends on it. And it DOES depend on it, friends.

        The Mr. was gone for a couple of days, as

      • The TSM Interview
        03/27/07
        I thank Sandra, the Sunshine Scribe , for proposing an interview for my faithful victims readers. The following questions were posed, and after a full minute of thought and consideration, here are my go-for-broke answers.

        1.What character (from a movie) would you most want to be? <

      • Because I didn't feel bad enough...
        03/26/07
        Picture the scene:

        My sister and I, scouring the racks at Goodwill (because I don't have a problem with other people's old clothes). We head over to the plus size department, thinking we might find what she's looking for. Each time I said "OH LOOK!" and pulled a b

      • Random Nonsense
        03/25/07
        Hope everyone had a fantastical weekend, and that we're all feeling at least partially ready to face the seven-day-horror-fest that is Spring Break.

        I don't know who decided that, during the time of year when I have the most to do in my yard and the least amount of sleep (sprin

      • Open Letters
        03/23/07
        These are open letters,Lara style.

        To the twenty-something jogger on Hwy 99 every afternoon: Honey, I see that you're really working hard. It's admirable. And yeah, you're much smaller than me. But a word of advice: you've got to strap your GIRLS down! I mean they'

      • Conversation...
        03/23/07
        This conversation was had between the 15 year old and I:

        Me: GO to your ROOM!

        Him: What did *I* do? Jeez you've told me that like five times today!

        Me: And yet, here you stand, NOT in your room!

        Him: It's just that...I think there's somethin

      • Almost a Decade
        03/21/07
        I was so nervous. Nervous and excited.

        We had booked that beautiful church in downtown Grants Pass with the huge steeple that I had always passed and said "I want to be married THERE!". This, of course, meant putting up with that wierd woman-pastor and being married in a Method

      • When You're Serious About Doing the Deed
        03/19/07
        Thus far, I have managed to avoid embarassing my husband horribly by revealing far more information than he is comfortable sharing. Sadly, that time has come to an end, because today we're talkin' 'bout SEX bay-bee!

        With my anniversary fast-approaching (it's actually t

      • Half-Naked Men with POWAH
        03/18/07
        Mr. TSM and I are celebrating 9 years of blissful matrimony this week, and we went out Saturday evening, hitting the town in celebratory fashion.

        The high-end french restaurant where we dined was wonderful, made all the better by the spectacular conversation and a thirty-dollar bottle of

      • Plumbing Purgatory Day
        03/16/07
        At a simply ungodly hour this morning, this night owl was shuffling around, eyes half-open, massaging her husband's aching shoulders. I know. I'm a catch. Once he headed off to work (I don't know how he works with a migraine like that!), I sat down to see if I could muster enough inte

      • The Great Color Debate
        03/14/07
        Nothing is more controversial. Nothing is more talked about. NOTHING in HISTORY has been the subject of more jokes than hair color.

        That's right, it's time to discuss the color of my hair. I realize that it's not one of the things Mighty Girl recommends you discuss to dru

      • Tension in the Yard
        03/13/07
        Walking out my front door, my senses are bombarded. It's beautiful (though not quite sunny, still lovely), the temperature is crisp, but not cold, and you can smell the cut grass and freshly moved dirt.

        If the last two hours are any indication, that dirt came from someone digging a g

      • And the winner is...
        03/12/07
        A big fat THANK YOU to all who participated in the contest to come up with a new moniker.

        Without further adieu...



        EVERYONE immediately go to Lara's site and leave her kudos. Yes, NOW. Right now! You! Go!

        Until I can come up with something re

      • Oh, the HORROR!
        03/08/07
        Like any good horror story, this one starts out with a trip to...

        ...the drug store.

        You see, now that I'm in my...um...30s...I find that I have developed...how shall I say this...oh fine...I HAVE A MOUSTACHE. Ok? IT's dark, and ugly and I want it GONE! Post Haste!
      • My Stomach's Reply
        03/07/07
        It's not my fault I did expand
        Because you fed me contraband

        It wasn't me that called for cake
        And pie, and chips and rib eye steak

        Extending 'til I made you nauseous
        Didn't even make you cautious !

        Past the lips more food didst shu

      • Ode to My Stomach
        03/06/07
        OH lovely glob of flabby skin
        With rolls of fat so deep within

        You advertise my weak-willed plight
        And keep my jeans from fitting right

        Cakes and pastries you ingest
        And now protrude just past my breasts

        Where once I had you pierced and taught
        I n

      • Pain, Dirt and Fairies
        03/05/07


        Ouchie mama. I'm an achin' girl tonight, lemmejusttellya.

        No, there's nothing injured in that picture, I'm just exceedingly dirty. This time on the outside!

        Just a little construction project. Just throw some screws in these here boards and vo

      • Manual Labor & Merlot
        03/04/07
        Just so we're clear, the manual labor and merlot were mutually exclusive, and embarked upon by separate individuals.

        My 15 year old strong-as-an-ox son was dispatched to pull boards up from our old, weathered deck whilst I looked on with a lovely glass of merlot. Fair? Of course! Wh

      • FINE…is that your final answer?
        03/03/07
        I believe we’ve arrived.

        We are now at that place where my 13 year old ends every exchange with an attitude-infused, “FINE!”

        What does that mean, exactly? When she says “FINE”, does that mean that the instructions I just gave her to FINISH the dishes and stop taunting her broth

      • The Irony of Importance
        03/01/07
        The other day, I spent a little quality time with Kay-a-noo and Charlize in a little town called San Francisco. I watched as they took the month of November and made it sweet . He was an ass, she won him over and changed his life forever. Then she died. If you haven’t seen it and I just ruined it f

    • February
      • Let the VOTING begin!
        02/28/07
        Here are the finalists for the "What Does TSM Mean to YOU?" contest.

        Please post your vote under comments. Sorry, but I'm just not advanced enough to make a poll on this site yet. I'll get there, though! You wait and see!

        And the finalists are:

        &q

      • Lindsay Lohan's stunt double and other murmurings
        02/27/07
        Forever obsessed with movies and movie trivia, I had to search the movie database I love so much because the 15 year old thought he saw the actor who plays Lex Luthor on Smallville, Michael Rosenbaum , during the opening credits of "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen".

        On a

      • Lord of the Flies
        02/26/07
        I don’t know which is more depressing-that I no longer have time for Guild Wars, or that it’s because I spend my time reading and posting BLOGS. What happened to the carefree days of being lost in imaginary lands slaying epic beasts whilst my children fend for themselves and learn to survive without

      • My Own Little "Secret"
        02/26/07
        Upon opening my Internet Explorer (to indulge in a little something called BLOGGING), I see splattered across my screen an advertisement for a Newsweek article about the book, "The Secret".

        It's a dramatic picture, meant to look like scrolls from Jesus' day, hand-deliv

      • Too Much of a Good Thing...
        02/25/07
        Ahhhh, freedom.

        Freedom, freedom, free-dom. Saying the word FREEEEEE-dom takes up the time that I would normally use whistling a tune and looking around at my cluttered desk, trashed bedroom and overall dirty house. I'm free to clean it. Free to do the laundry, free to dust. I'm

      • Weekend CHALLENGE!
        02/23/07
        Ok, folks. If you've been here a while, you have a reasonably good idea of what I'm all about. As much as anyone can. So I issue this challenge to you:

        What does TSM mean to you? Literally? Please leave comments posting what each letter should stand for as a name to this blog (i

      • I tried...
        02/22/07
        I tried to pretend like I was a REAL blogger...an organized, well-liked, humorous blogger with a large following. I tried to do a "weekly thing" like other bloggers do to add merit and believability. And what happened?

        Last week I started doing a Thursday Thirteen . This week,

      • Feeling a little down AKA Pity Party
        02/21/07
        I've noticed in the last few days that my mood has made a significant turn toward the dark side. I putt around the house (more like a waddle these days) and have a difficult time engaging myself in anything. Except movies. I can put on a movie or two and watch them all day. That, and read blogs

      • Am I Conservative?
        02/19/07
        I had the chance to read LOTS of new (to me) blogs today, and wasted a good portion of my day immersed in someone else's life. In previous posts , I have lamented that a large portion of the really entertaining blogs out there are run by bleeding heart liberals...er...I mean...people who think

      • Site was down, now it's not.
        02/18/07
        So we did some maintainence (which means we bought a new computer for our server) and the site was down for a bit. It should be fine now, and faster than ever.

        Thanks for your patience!

      • Do the... *crash* stinkin'... *shatter* DISHES!!!
        02/16/07
        As I type this, my background music is not some off the wall jazz rendition with crazy beats and dissonant chords. No. That's the sound of dishes clanking together forcefully enough to almost break them, but not quite. Breaking them, you see, would cause consequences. Almost breaking them makes

      • Thursday Thirteen
        02/15/07



        (BATHROOM EDITION)

        1. I have a bathroom (it used to be yucky).




        2. Now my bathroom is PRETTY.








        3. People poop in my bathroom, and do not leave "Poop Logs".
        <

      • Random Heart-less thoughts
        02/14/07
        (Heart-less because they have nothing to do with V-day)

        *Do you think that Alan Reed (the voice of Fred Flinstone) ever dated freaks who insisted he use his Flinstone voice in bed?

        *Why does the Midol package say "Do not use this product if you have difficulty in urination

      • Hearts, FARTS!
        02/13/07
        I am not in the mood for Valentine's Day.

        Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm not blissfully in love with my husband. He still gives me chills in all the right places and makes my tummy turn flip flops when he smiles at me. That's not bad, after ten years.
      • For the same reason I haven't shaved my legs in weeks.
        02/12/07
        Before you leave your jaw open enough to catch insects, let me just say that 1. My husband has no problem with my legs being hairy and 2. I'm no different than half the women in the US during winter. There just isn't any point.

        Just as pointless was my day, today. I feel like I

      • A box of cookies and a pound of bite me.
        02/11/07
        After waking up at a lovely time this morning (over 8 hours sleep HURRAY!), I ventured out with the kiddos to church. Yesterday's women's conference was fabulous, and I feel a renewed sense of purpose. I was determined to have a good day. Funny how things don't always work out the way

      • Aforementioned Bunny...
        02/09/07
        In all her fuzzy cuteness.



        Tell me you could resist this girl?

      • What's up DOC?
        02/08/07
        It's furry.

        It has long ears.

        It's the cutest thing you ever saw.

        No, it's not my daughter. It's her new bunny. A baby rabbit, yes. Why did I cave to such a crazy notion as owning a pet bunny? Let me explain.

        We were visited last week

      • I am flippin exhausted
        02/07/07
        Maybe it's the lack of thyroid medicine.

        Maybe it's the impromptu bathroom remodel.

        Maybe it's the Fibro.

        Maybe it's the lack of sleep. No wait...I sleep a ton.

        Whatever it is, I can barely keep my head up and I need to go to bed.
      • Bathroom: Recovered. Me? Not so much.
        02/06/07
        After a FULL day's work, the bathroom is mostly done. See picture:



        In addition to the new floor, I also bought a new vanity. Things are not fully installed yet, but the floor is down and the toilet works. This is what is most important, no?

        I hope to throw s

      • I can't look...is it bad?
        02/05/07
        It's hard to say.

        This is going to change everything, isn't it?

        There will be some...adjustment. You'll need to make some accomodations for a while.

        *sob*

        I'm so sorry. Nobody is ever prepared for this kind of news.

      • Super WHAT?
        02/04/07
        Several questions.

        1. Why is it a super BOWL? I don't understand why high-stakes football games are referred to as a "bowl". Perhaps it's what someone like me would have to smoke to enjoy such a thing. Did I just say that?

        2. When did the 30 seconds in betwe

      • Audience participation!
        02/03/07
        1 . Read previous post regarding donuts.

        2 . Write a response detailing the most extreme actions taken during a jones for any given product (except illegal drugs...have to draw the line there, bein that this is a family type blog thing). For example:

        I once drove 60 miles

      • Blast you, Krispy Kreme, and your little DOG too!
        02/03/07
        It's a grey and rainy Saturday here in Oregon (shocker for the Northwest, eh?), and after all the fun we had last night, I needed COFFEE. Oh, that steamy creamy mochaloca goodness that awakens both the senses and my foggy brain. How I love coffee. I love the smell of freshly ground beans. I

      • Would you log it?
        02/02/07
        You're enjoying a wonderful visit with a dear friend. The meal was fantastic, the wine even better and the company divine. You excuse yourself to the restroom, and, as you are nosing around in there, you find on the back of the tank a journal. Well, why would it be there if they didn't wan

    • January
      • ...and another thing...
        01/31/07
        "Mom, which symbol is GIRLS"

        "What?"

        "Is is the one with the circle and two lines or the one with the circle and the arrow?"

        "Well, think of it this way-boys have a pointer. Girls don't."

        "Mom, you're

      • Internet savvy looks GOOOOD on a resume
        01/31/07
        You're in your best outfit. Dressed to the nines with matching jewelry and briefcase. You are ALL about takin care of bi'niss with that scorchin resume in-hand.

        In the interview, you've got them eating out of the palm of your hand. You answer every question perfectly, keep

      • American SNIDE'ol
        01/30/07
        I can see my sparkling clean living and dining room from where I sit in my filthy can't-see-the-floor bedroom. I spent my entire day today doing laundry and scrub scrub SCRUBBING my living room floor-edge to edge, corner to corner, behind and under everthing.

        You might be asking you

      • Totally PEE'vd
        01/29/07
        I smell urine. I smell LIKE urine. I can smell urine everywhere I look and everywhere I turn. Thankfully, it's probably just me, because I believe I have finally cleaned the last of the urine I found today. Unless you count what has permanently fixed itself to my person. I hope I don't mee

      • He has crossed over to the dark side
        01/28/07
        As we speak, HH (hot hubby) is refining and perfecting that which will be his very own BLOG!! I say this with great excitement, mostly because, due to the nature of his blog, it represents no threat to mine at all. Witty and charming as he is, most of my readers will not want to know much about mana

      • There goes my chances for gettin me some tonight
        01/27/07
        In the background, a cat squeals in pain

        "Stop that..." says the dad

        "I didn't do anything!" says the boy

        "Listen, I'm not stupid. I've been on this world for 41 years, and I know what it sounds like when a cat is being hurt&

      • Spirtual Growth is not a Team Sport
        01/27/07
        This weekend (so far) has been both amazing, and heartbreaking.

        I expect that those who do not share my faith might not relate, but bear with me. We can all stand to learn a thing or two (or five) about each other.

        I went to a worship seminar this weekend. What this means to t

      • Trees lovely trees and scraped knees
        01/27/07
        My brief post this evening (morning) is to fulfill a promise to post my beautiful pictures.

        First, my photos of a lovely tree in the library parking lot with a very interesting few rays of light hitting it JUST so.







        Next, the explanati

      • Fiber WHAT? Not just for breakfast anymore.
        01/25/07
        Fibromyalgia is not only a big word, but a beast of a disorder. Most folks, when they hear the word wrinkle their brow and say “What’s that?”. Some say “Oh I know a lady who has that…it’s miserable”..then there are those who say “You should try x y and z because it’s a cure. I know it is. Ten people

      • Hijacked
        01/25/07
        Well kind of. The husband sweeps in for a small attack. Since my wife so kindly plastered my face on her blog I thought I would return the favor. After all I have braggin rights about the most beautiful woman in the world. If she has not mentioned it before she is a talented singing artist and im a

      • My husband's duality
        01/25/07


        Which is my husband? Can you tell?

        Indeed, they must have been separated at birth. Remarkable!

      • Is My Son Depressed? An introspective...
        01/24/07
        I have some lovely photos to show you all, but I still have to figure out Flikr and make it happen. Then your eyes can be bombarded by my below-amateur photography on a daily basis. Oh joy.

        On to my son, for this is certain to be the most embarassing post I have ever forwarded to his e

      • TSM gets political
        01/23/07
        We are watching "Red Dawn". Remember that movie from the 80s? It stars Patrick Swayze (along with his Dirty Dancing co-star Jennifer Grey), Charlie Sheen and C. Thomas Howell, the hottest stars in the 80s. Too cool for neon. Basically it begins with a classroom learning about history when

      • Aforementioned stoves, both new and old
        01/22/07
        Old stove...



        Meet your replacement:



        WOOHOOO!!
        Technorati Profile

      • Cook-tops and cavities (or vice versa)
        01/22/07
        In what will finally make me a front-runner for that sought-after Mother of the Year award, today we brought our adorable 9 year old daughter in to the dentist to fill what a few months ago (when a GOOD mother would have had it fixed) was a mere cavity, but now is the Grand Canyon of cavities, and e

      • He ain't sleazy, he's my brother
        01/21/07
        Sleazy man in my previous post has requested that I de-sleazify him verbally, so he can redeem himself in the eyes of my many many readers. Apparently he cannot handle his new-found fame. We shall now call him the Hit Man. He thinks that sounds "cool". I think it's a perfect nickname.

      • I'm narcissistic
        01/20/07
        I've spent all day thinking about...well, ME...and have decided I'm rather self-involved. You might say no more than the average human being, being HUMAN and all, but I beg to differ. It's similar to the time I was pondering my crappiness, and how my crappiness was so much crappier t

      • Yet another dialog involving my 15 year old
        01/19/07
        "Hey, Mike...do me a favor"
        "It depends"
        "Grab that big fold-up foam chair thing and throw it up in the storage, please"
        "Can I just take it out front and set it on fire?"

        Yes, Mike. Please do that. Also, please sign this form relievi

      • AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!
        01/19/07
        Mother, frantically typing at the keyboard trying to finish her evening blog

        "Don't throw that there...I'm trying to clean here!"
        "But that's where it GOES!"
        "NO! DON'T LEAVE IT THERE or I'll KILL you!"
        Mother lifts

      • 120 pound dog versus 220 pound man-and the winner is...
        01/18/07
        Picture this:

        Our large, 120 pound dog wanders into our bedroom from the kitchen, looking guilty. Just then we realize the obvious: she's been in the trash. We can hear her crunching the chicken bones (there we go, rousing the animal cruelty people again), she's already got her

      • Confessions
        01/17/07
        I have a confession to make: I listen to Air Supply.

        Not only do I listen to them, but I will sometimes sit alone at my computer with song after song...Air Supply, Journey, Toto, and now add to the list Nickelback (Photograph)...all those songs that pull at my gut and make me both happy

      • Not another blog about my dinner
        01/16/07
        At first thought, I was going to talk about my lovely meal of Taco Bell and spiked Baja Blast following an exhausting trip to town through slush-covered streets to find the P-e-r-f-e-c-t pair of jeans for a 13 year old (who is somewhere between a 12 and 14, and for which there are no jeans made in

      • Valuable lessons learned today
        01/15/07
        Please note: Upon attempting to post this blog on MySpace for the 5,382, 382nd time, I was met with this message:

        Blogs are currently disabled for special maintenance. They will be available again in about 20 minutes.
        Sorry for the inconvenience...1/15/2007

        Yes, than

      • Fajitas and memories
        01/14/07
        Tonight was fajita night at the Mort house. No, we don't do it weekly, but we should. Dinner was amazing , if I do say so myself, and the company was spectacular. After eating far too much (as usual) and watching the children scramble for what was left, we began talking about memories. Each of

      • Margaritas and memories
        01/13/07
        There comes a time in all our lives when, during an inexplicable moment, we find ourselves thinking of the past with a sad longing, whilst typing in long-forgotten names from high school in the MySpace search engine (or google). What was her last name? Surely it has changed by now...well unless she

      • What did the snowman ever do to YOU?
        01/12/07
        My lanky (but pretty BUFF for his age!) 15 year old, irritated at his sisters for taking too much time in our one bathroom, walks outside on the way to the bus stop, looks right in my 9 year old's eyes, and roundhouse kicks the snowman she spent four hours on yesterday. His top 2 layers fall to

      • Pot roast and ping pong
        01/11/07
        The ping pong table that once was such a fabulous idea is now taking up 60% of my dining room. The obvious, "What was I thinking?" has now been replaced by "Where is the hatchet?". Thankfully a friend of ours will be here to collect it tomorrow, if I'm lucky. Nice people.

      • Snow day!
        01/10/07
        Oh the joy...OH the excitement...OH the...soggy socks and tracks of mud-laced snow coming through my house....OH the stepping on clumps of snow walking through the kitchen...

        This is what I saw when I knew we might be having a snow day:



        (Little did I know it would

      • Very OUCH, baby
        01/08/07
        I'm reading a blog of a friend of mine and she's talking about very personal things. She expresses gratitude for the friends that have come into her life, and I, of course, am moved to respond. I responded to one, then was typing another and, thinking myself funny, read it to my husband.